Little Red Riding Harvey

Once upon a time there was a boy named Little Red Riding Harvey.

One day while his mother was cleaning his bedroom, she found a set of false teeth.  She recognized them immediately.  They belonged to Little Red Riding Harvey’s grandmother.

When Little Red Riding Harvey came home from throwing rocks at cats, which he did every afternoon at two, his mother showed him the teeth, and asked, “Little Red Riding Harvey, where did you get these teeth?”

“I cannot tell a lie,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  (Actually, Little Red Riding Harvey was very good at telling lies, but he had had so much fun throwing rocks at cats that afternoon that he decided to tell the truth anyway.)  “I cannot tell a lie,” he said.  “I stole them from grandma.

“Little Red Riding Harvey,” said his mother, “how many times must I tell you not to steal things from your grandmother?  Especially things that she needs!”

“I’m sorry,” said Harvey.  He wasn’t.

“Now you take these teeth,” said Little Red Riding Harvey’s mother, “and go right away to your grandmother’s house and give them back to her.”

“Yes, mother,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “Right away.  I’ll do just that.  You betcha.  And I promise I’ll never take anything from anyone again.”  See how good a liar Little Red Riding Harvey was?

Little Red Riding Harvey put on his blue cloak with the green hood, put grandma’s teeth into a brown paper bag, kissed his mother on the cheek, and left for grandma’s house.  Little Red Riding Harvey knew the way very well.  He was always taking back things that he had stolen from his grandmother.  At least he told his mom he was always taking them back.  Usually Little Red Riding Harvey would just throw whatever he had stolen into the bushes, and then go back to grandma’s and steal something else.

But Little Red Riding Harvey decided he would take the teeth back this time.  He had had such a good day throwing rocks at cats.

As he tripped along through the forests he stepped on flowers and kicked small animals.  It was a beautiful day.

Soon after he kicked his fourth chipmunk, he rounded a bend in the forest path and there in front of him was a big, mean, ugly wolf.

Little Red Riding Harvey kicked the wolf in the shin.  “Get out of my way, you ugly dog!” he said.  “I’ve got to get to my grandmother’s house.”

When the wolf had seen Little Red Riding Harvey round the bend in the path, his first thought had been to eat him.  But when Little Red Riding Harvey mentioned his grandmother, well no respectable wolf can pass up eating a grandmother when he has a chance, can he?

So as the wolf hopped on one leg and rubbed his other shin bone, he said, “To your grandmother’s, huh?”

“Yeah,” said Little Red Riding Harvey, and he kicked the wolf in the other shin.  “Now get out of my way, mutt.”

One kick the wolf could maybe take.  Two, there’s no way.  He whopped Little Red Riding Harvey across the side of the head.

Little Red Riding Harvey whopped him back.

The wolf growled at Little Red Riding Harvey.

Little Red Riding Harvey growled back.

Oh well, thought the wolf, I’ll get this kid later.  “Where does your grandmother live?”

“She lives at the end of this path,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “Why else do you think I’m walking down it?”

“And is your grandmother a large woman?” asked the wolf.

“Yes,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “She’s real fat.”

“And do you think your grandmother would taste good?” asked the wolf.

“How would I know?” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “I’ve never bit my grandmother.”  Actually he had, but he wasn’t going to tell this to a wolf.

“Well thank you very much,” said the wolf.  “You have been of great service this afternoon.”

“Great service nothin’,” said Little Red Riding Harvey, and he kicked the wolf in the shin again.

The wolf limped off into the forest, thinking of all the things he was going to do to Little Red Riding Harvey, after lunch.

When the wolf arrived at granny’s house, he found no one there.  It was granny’s bowling day.

“Oh well,” thought the wolf.  “At least I can eat that little brat when he comes.”

Back on the path, Little Red Riding Harvey continued on his way, kicking small animals and stepping on flowers, until he finally reached the cottage where his dear sweet fat grandma lived.

He knocked once.

There was no answer.

He knocked again.

There was still no answer.

He kicked in the door.

There on the bed was the wolf, dressed up in his granny’s clothes.

Little Red Riding Harvey wasn’t stupid.  He could tell the difference between a wolf and an old lady.  He guessed immediately that the wolf had eaten his granny.  And frankly, Little Red Riding Harvey couldn’t care less.

“Hello, granny,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “Not feeling too well today, are we?”

“Nope,” said the wolf, in a high, screechy voice.  “I’ve got a touch of the chicken pox.”

Little Red Riding Harvey’s granny had a deep voice, and she’d already had the chicken pox.

“Hey granny,” said Little Red Riding Harvey, “you got some big eyes.  What happened?  Someone punch your lights out?”

“No, my dear,” said the wolf.  “My eyes are big so I can see you better.”

“Well yeah, okay,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “But what about that nose?  Have you been lying and making it grow again, granny?”

“Oh, no, my dear,” said the wolf.  “My nose is big so I can smell you all the better.”

How disgusting, thought Little Red Riding Harvey.

“And granny,” said Little Red Riding Harvey.  “What big teeth you have!”  Then he pulled his granny’s false teeth out of the sack and threw them at the wolf.

The wolf then knew that he wasn’t fooling Little Red Riding Harvey, so what the heck.  He jumped up and ate the little kid.

Then he laid back on the bed to wait for granny to return from bowling.

MORAL:  Don’t be bad, or a wolf will eat you.

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Published in: on June 23, 2011 at 2:26 am  Leave a Comment  

The Three Kitty Cats Gruff

ticky tacky meow meow

meow meow bridge

meow meow TROLL!

“I’LL EAT YOU!”

no! meow brother meow bigger!

meow eat him.

“OKAY!”

tickety tackety tickety tackety

Ticky Tacky Meow Meow

Meow Meow Bridge

Meow Meow Troll!

“I’LL EAT YOU!”

No! Meow Brother Meow Bigger!

Meow Eat Him.

“OKAY!”

Tickety Tackety Tickety Tackety

TICKY TACKY MEOW MEOW

MEOW MEOW BRIDGE

MEOW MEOW troll!

“I’LL EAT YOU!”

CHOMP!

YUM MEOW TROLL MEOW!

TICKETY TACKETY TICKETY TACKETY

Published in: on June 22, 2011 at 2:27 am  Leave a Comment  

The Magic Turnip

Many years ago there lived a poor king and queen.  All they had left was an empty castle and a small piece of land on which they grew a few turnips, which was their only food.

They had once been rulers of land as far as they could see.  But their land had been stolen by a wicked king who lived over the horizon.

One winter night the poor king took the last turnip from the turnip barrel.  As he and his wife were about to cut it up for dinner, the turnip spoke:

“Please don’t cut me.  If you let me live and put me back into the ground, I’ll give you three wishes.”

“It’s a deal,” said the king, who knew the value of wishes.

“You, king, shall have one wish.  And you, queen, shall have one.  The third wish you shall both have to agree on.  Now put me back into the ground.”

The king found a rock, and dug into the cold ground until he had a hole large enough for the turnip.  He put the turnip in and buried it.

Then he went back inside.

“Oh, there are so many things to wish for,” said the queen.

“There are castles and land and gold and jewels,” said the king, “servants and cattle and knights.”

“It’s hard to think on an empty stomach, though,” said the queen.

“Yes it is,” said the king.  “I wish I had a turnip here to fill me up.”

PING!  A turnip appeared on the table.

“You fool!” said the queen.  “You wasted a wish!  I wish that turnip were stuck on your nose!”

PING!  The turnip appeared on the king’s nose.

“Okay, let’s calm down,” said the king.  “We’ve wasted two wishes.  We only have one wish left.  Let’s not waste it too.”

“We could wish that turnip off your nose,” said the queen.

“Then we would be back where we started.  I can live with the turnip.  I’m used to turnips.  Let’s wish for something else.”

The king and queen thought and thought, and whenever they spoke, they were very careful with their words.

And they decided.  They wished to have all their land back.

And it was so.

But what of the turnip on the king’s nose?  Well, no harm came of it.  When the king’s subjects saw their king wearing a turnip, they all decided that it was a noble and proper thing to do.  And to this day in that kingdom all the men wear turnips on their noses.

Published in: on June 21, 2011 at 2:24 am  Leave a Comment  

Goldilocks in Charge

Once there was a girl named Goldilocks.  She was walking through the forest one day when she came to a house.  She knocked.  No one answered.  She went in.  There on the table were three bowls of porridge.  She tasted them.  “Yuck!” she said.  She pulled some cinnamon and sugar from her pocket and put them on the porridge.  Then she tasted again.  “That’s better.”

There were three chairs in the parlor.  She sat on each of them.  “Ouch!” she said.  They were too hard.  She found pillows in the corner and sewed them into comfortably cushions for the chairs.  She sat down again.  “That’s better.”

After she had rested, she went upstairs.  There were three beds.  They were a mess.  Quilts thrown here, sheets thrown there.  “Three pigs must live here,” said Goldilocks, and she made the three beds, and tucked the corners in tight.  “That’s better.”

Then she heard someone opening the door to the house.  She stood up straight and marched down the stairs.

There in the doorway were three bears, a Papa bear, a Mama bear, and a little baby bear.  “HEY!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN…” the papa bear began.

“It’s about time you came home,” stated Goldilocks.  “And I must say, it’s a good thing I came along when I did.”  She grabbed the baby bear’s paw and dragged him to the table.  “Now finish your porridge, and I don’t want to see you up from that table until you’ve cleaned your bowl.”

Then she turned to the Papa and Mama bear.  “And you should be ashamed.  Letting your child leave the house without his breakfast.  Now you two get over here and finish your breakfasts too.  No complaints now, hurry, hurry.”

Mama and Papa bear were so surprised that they sat at the table and began eating.

“Yuck!” said Mama, Papa, and baby bear.  “What did you do to our porridge!”

“I made it edible,” said Goldilocks.

“But it just needed to cool down,” said Mama bear.  “It was just fine.”

After breakfast Goldilocks showed the three bears their new chairs.  “Now you be careful and don’t rip these cushions.”

The bears sat down.  “You’ve ruined our chairs!” said Papa bear.  “If we want comfortable we sit on those pillows in the…”  Then he noticed there were no pillows in the corner.  Papa bear began to turn red.

But before he could eat Goldilocks she shoved them upstairs.  “When I came in here these beds looked like they’d exploded.  There’ll be no more of that.  From now on beds will be made as soon as you wake up and they will stay made all day.  There will be no breakfast until all beds are made to my satisfaction.”

“What a waste,” said baby bear.  “How can we take afternoon naps if our beds have to stay made.”

And there was more.  Goldilocks made the bears pick up their clothes, which were scattered around the room.

Then she made them wash the walls, all through the house,

and mop the floors,

and paint the shutters,

and rake the leaves.

She made them do their exercises,

and drink lots of juice,

and take their naps (though the beds had to stay made).

“From now on things are going to be different around here,” said Goldilocks as she made them lie down.

Then she closed the shutters and went downstairs to rearrange the cupboards.

In the dark, where he couldn’t sleep, because who could sleep on a made bed, Papa bear began to fume.  He thought of the porridge, and the chairs, and the beds, and the floors, and walls, and shutters, and leaves, and exercises, and juice.  This was not the way he wanted to live.  He and his family had been very happy before this, this Goldilocks had come.

Finally he could take it no longer.

He jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs.  Mama bear and baby bear were right behind him.  “YOU!” he said to Goldilocks.  “GET OUT!  GET OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I EAT YOU!”

“My goodness!” she said as Papa bear picked her up.  “I believe you would.  I can see that you’re beyond help and that my services would be more appreciated elsewhere.”

“I doubt it,” said Papa bear as he threw her outside.

Then Papa bear, Mama bear, and the little baby bear took the pads off the chairs, threw out the sugar and cinnamon, and messed up their beds.

And they lived happily ever after.

Published in: on June 20, 2011 at 2:23 am  Leave a Comment  

The Wee, Yeah, Wee Man

Once upon a time, yeah, when all the big folks were wee folks, yeah, and it is so long a time since that you could never count the years, yeah, there lived a wee, yeah, wee man, yeah, and he had a huge, yeah, huge cow.  Yup, that’s true.

One morning very early out went the wee, yeah, wee man to milk his huge, yeah, huge cow, yeah, and to her he said:–

“Hold still, yeah, my cow, yeah, my pretty, yeah,

Hold still, yeah, my pretty, yeah, my cow, yeah,

And you shall have for dinner

A cake of milk white dough.  Yup, that’s true.”

But the huge, yeah, huge cow would not stand still.  Yup, that’s true.  She jumped and she danced and she kicked, yeah, tipping over the milking stool and spilling all the milk.  Yup, that’s true.

So the wee, yeah, wee man cried out in a loud voice:–

“Hold still, yeah, my cow, yeah, my dearie, yeah,

And fill my bucket with milk, yeah,

And if you are not contrary, yeah,

I’ll give you a gown of silk.  Yup, that’s true.”

But the huge, yeah, huge cow would not stand still.  Yup, that’s true.

“Now, yeah, look at that, yeah,” said the wee, yeah, wee man.  Yup, that’s true.

“What is a wee, yeah, wee man to do, yeah,

With such a huge, yeah, huge cow as you, huh, what do you think, huh, huh, huh?”

Then off he went to his grandmother’s house, yeah, and to his grandmother he said:–

“Cow will not stand still.  Yup, that’s true.  Wee, yeah, wee man cannot milk her.  Yup, that’s true.”

“Take a stick and shake it at her, yeah,” said his grandmother.  Yup, that’s true.  So off went the wee, yeah, wee man to the hazel tree for a stick, yeah, and to the tree he said:–

“Break, yeah, stick, yeah, break, yeah,

And I’ll give you a cake.  Yup, that’s true.”

But the stick would not break, yeah, and the wee, yeah, wee man went back to his grandmother’s house, yeah, saying:–

“Grandmother, yeah, grandmother, yeah, stick will not break: huge, yeah, huge cow will not stand still: wee, yeah, wee man cannot milk her.  Yup, that’s true.”

“Then go to the butcher and bid him tie the cow, yeah,” said his grandmother.  Yup, that’s true.

So off went the wee, yeah, wee man to the Butcher, yeah, and to the Butcher he said:–

“Butcher, yeah, tie the huge, yeah, huge cow.  Yup, that’s true.

She is good for naught for she dances now.  Yup, that’s true.”

But the Butcher was just sweeping his shop, yeah, and he would not tie the cow, yeah, so the wee, yeah, wee man went back to his grandmother’s house, yeah, saying:–

“Grandmother, yeah, grandmother, yeah, Butcher will not come.  Yup, that’s true.  Stick will not break.  Yup, that’s true.  Huge, yeah, huge cow will not stand still.  Yup, that’s true.  Wee, yeah, wee man cannot milk her.  Yup, that’s true.  What is wee, yeah, wee man to do, huh, what do you think, huh, huh, huh?”

“I know not, yeah,” said his grandmother, yeah, but just then along came a little girl with a cup in her hand.  Yup, that’s true.

“Please give me milk to make a cake, yeah,” said the little girl, yeah, “my mother would bake today.  Yup, that’s true.”

“Run, yeah,” said the grandmother to the wee, yeah, wee man, yeah, “tell the huge, yeah, huge cow there’s a pretty little lady with long yellow hair waiting for a cup of milk.  Yup, that’s true.”

So the wee, yeah, wee man ran as fast as his wee, yeah, wee legs would carry him, yeah, and he said to the cow:–

“You’ll not stand for the cake or the gown of silk.  Yup, that’s true.

Will you give pretty lady a cup of milk, huh, what do you think, huh, huh, huh?”

“MOO, yeah, MOO, yeah,” said the huge, yeah, huge cow in a huge, yeah, huge voice, yeah, “that I will.  Yup, that’s true.”

So she stood very still, yeah, and neither jumped, yeah, nor danced, yeah, nor kicked over the milking stool; and that is how the wee, yeah, wee man milked his huge, yeah, huge cow after all.  Yup, that’s true.

Published in: on June 19, 2011 at 2:28 am  Leave a Comment  

The Wonderful Truck

Once, not long ago, there lived a boy and his mother, and they were very, very poor.  All they owned was one magic cow.

And they had nothing to eat.

“You must sell the magic cow,” the mother said to the boy.  So the boy took the cow’s halter and started down the road to sell her.

On they way he met a stranger, who was driving a rickety truck.  “Is that a magic cow?” asked the stranger.

“Yes it is,” said the boy.

“I thought so,” said the stranger.  “What is its magic?  Does it know the future?  Does it find treasures?  Does it run as fast as the wind?”

“I don’t know,” said the boy.  “We never found out.”

“Would you give me your magic cow if I give you this wonderful truck?” asked the stranger.

“No,” said the boy.  But then he heard a whisper.  It came from the truck.

“Take me,” said the rickety truck.

The boy thought, what use is a magic cow if you don’t know its magic?  And who knows what good a talking truck could bring?  He gave the magic cow to the strange and drove the truck home and parked it behind the cow’s stall.

“Ah, me, what a bad bargain you have made, son,” said the mother when she saw no money, only a rickety truck.  “A truck no one would want and no food to eat.”

But the truck whispered to the mother, “Turn my key.  Turn my key.”  The mother reached into the truck and turned the key.

VROOOM roared the truck and off it raced.

Then VROOOM, back it came.

“Look in my back,” whispered the truck.  The boy and the mother did.  Inside the truck were cases of spaghetti, and crates of canned peaches.  There were boxes of saltine crackers and barrels of salted fish.  There was enough food to last several years for a poor mother and son who were used to eating very little.

They ate very well that night.

The next morning, though, after they had finished unloading the truck, the boy and the mother realized there was nothing to do.  “I’m bored,” said the boy.

But the truck whispered to the boy, “Turn my key.  Turn my key.”  The boy reached into the truck and turned the key.

VROOOM roared the truck and off it raced.

Then VROOOM, back it came.

“Look in my back,” whispered the truck.  The boy and the mother did.  Inside the truck were clowns and acrobats, sword swallowers and magicians.  There was an entire circus.

For hours the clowns danced, the acrobats swung, the sword swallowers swallowed, and the magicians tricked.  The boy and the mother had never had so much fun.

But that afternoon, when the circus performers asked for a place to rest, the mother said, “Our home is so small.  There is just no room for guests.”

The truck whispered to the mother, “Turn my key.  Turn my key.”  The mother reached into the truck and turned the key.

VROOOM roared the truck and off it raced.

Then VROOOM, back it came.

“Look in my back,” whispered the truck.  The boy and the mother did.  Inside the truck were boards and bricks and mortar and nails.  And on top of it all sat six strong builders.  The builders climbed from the truck, and with the help of the circus performers they emptied the building materials from the truck.

And by nightfall there were twelve new small houses for the circus performers and the builders, and one new large house for the mother and the son.

“But there are no beds,” said the boy.  “Will we all have to sleep on the floor?”

“Turn my key,” whispered the truck.  The boy did.

VROOOM roared the truck and off it raced.

Then VROOOM, back it came.

“Look in my back,” whispered the truck.  Inside the truck were beds and dressers and tables and chairs.  There was enough furniture to fill all twelve small houses and the one large house.

And that night the mother and son, and the performers and builders slept comfortably.

The next morning, very early, there was a knock at the door.  The boy answered.

There stood a policeman.  “We have a report that you have stolen property here,” said the policeman.

“Who says?” said the boy.

The policeman moved aside.  Behind him were a grocer, a ringmaster, a construction boss and a hotel owner.  They all looked very angry.

“Where’s my food?” said the grocer.  “I was going to have a big sale and my food is gone!”

“Where’s my circus?” said the ringmaster.  “We had a big show planned for today!”

“Where are my supplies and my workers?” said the construction boss.  “I have a deadline to meet!”

“Where’s my furniture?” said the hotel owner.  “My guests had to sleep on the floor last night!  And where are they to put their clothes?”

“You’re under arrest for robbery,” said the policeman.

“NO!  WAIT!” said the boy.  “IT WASN’T ME!”  And he ran past his visitors, who followed him to the cow stall where the truck was parked.  “It’s the truck!” said the boy.  “It took your things.  We didn’t know they were stolen.  Honest.”

“Sure,” said the policeman as he pulled out his handcuffs.

“He’s right,” whispered the truck.

“What?” said the policeman.

“He’s right.  I took your things.”

“Now why did you have to go and do that?”  Then the policeman turned to the grocer.  “Can I arrest a truck?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” said the grocer.  “You’re the policeman.”

“I didn’t mean to cause any trouble,” said the truck.  “I was just trying to help this boy and his mother.”

“But stealing is wrong,” said the ringmaster.

“I didn’t know that,” said the truck.  “Nobody teaches a truck what’s right and what’s wrong.”

“He does have a point,” said the hotel owner.

“Is there something I can do to make things better?” said the truck.

“Yes, there is,” said the grocer, the ringmaster, the construction boss and the hotel owner.

All day the rickety truck was very busy.

It took all the food back to the store, then helped the grocer advertise his big sale.

It took the circus back to the tent, and carried children from the town to the circus and back.

It carried the builders and the dismantled houses back to the construction site.  Then it helped large dump trucks haul away the piles of dirt that had been taken from the hole that would be the building’s basement.

And it took the furniture back to the hotel, and took hotel guests to and from the airport.

Then it drove back to the boy and his mother, who now had nothing but a rickety truck.

“But we’re still hungry,” said the mother.

“Not for long,” said the boy.

And they drove the truck to the city, where people paid well to see a truck that could talk.

Published in: on June 18, 2011 at 2:23 am  Leave a Comment  

The Unfortunate Adventures of Jack B. Nimble

Jack B. Nimble,

Jack be quick.

Jack jumps over

The candlestick.

Jack be lazy,

Should have jumped higher.

Jack’s new breeches

Catch on fire.

Jack is running,

Starts to yell.

Up the hill,

And into the well.

He hits the water,

The fire dies.

Then Jack climbs out,

At least he tries.

The water is cold,

And very deep.

The rocks are wet,

And very steep.

“Help me!” Jack

Begins to shout,

“My pants are cool,

BUT I CAN’T GET OUT!”

Up the hill

To fetch some water

Comes Dame Dob

And her naughty daughter.

“Ooh!  What’s this?

Dame Dob exclaims.

“Someone’s playing

Silly games.”

“It’s not a game!

Run to town

For help,” says Jack,

“Before I drown!”

“Oh Dear!  Oh Danger!”

Dame Dob yells.

“Sound the sirens,

Ring the bells!

There are drowning children

In our wells!”

Down to town,

In despair,

She dashes here

And races there.

“Oh weep!”  She screams,

“There is no joy!

Come and save

A drowning boy!”

Meanwhile, back

Up on the hill,

The naughty daughter,

Her name was Jill,

Simply lets

The bucket down

And yells, “Climb in

And you won’t drown.”

Jill is strong.

She exercises.

Up and up

The bucket rises.

Out she pulls it

From the hole,

Turns it over,

And lets it roll.

Down the hill

The bucket speeds,

Bouncing on rocks

And smashing weeds,

And growing dizzy

And blurry-eyed,

Poor little Jack

Is still inside.

But do not worry,

Do not fear,

Help is coming,

Jackie dear.

For Old Dame Dob

Has gathered the troops,

And organized them

Into groups,

Some with ropes,

Some with ladders,

Some with lunch

On silver platters.

Up the hill

They come from town,

Up the hill

As Jack rolls down.

And as they’re cheered on

By Dame Dob,

The bucket bowls

Into the mob.

Into the air

Go lunches and ladders,

And ropes tangle tight

As the frightened mob scatters.

Down goes one,

Down go two,

Down they fall

As the bucket rolls through.

Down go three,

Down go four,

They try to flee,

But down go more.

Down the hill,

Into the sky

The people are tossed

As the bucket rolls by.

And when the bucket

Reaches the bottom

The people still lie

Where the bucket got ’em.

People lie

In the oddest places,

Wiping sandwiches

Off their faces.

Hear their moans,

Hear their groans,

As they check

For broken bones.

Hear their cries,

Hear their pleas,

As they rub

Their wounded knees.

The bucket is still.

Jack falls out.

He tries to stand,

But he spins about.

He hollers weakly,

“Dob, come here.”

She does.  He whispers

In her ear.

Her ear turns red,

She starts to steam.

“JILL!  COME HERE!”

She begins to scream.

Down the hill

Skips Dame Dob’s daughter,

“Yes, mother dear,

Shall I fetch the water?”

“You’ll fetch nothing

Daughter dear,

BECAUSE YOU’RE GROUNDED

FOR A YEAR!”

As Dob stomps off,

Dragging Jill,

The people stumble

Down the hill,

Carrying

Their broken ladders,

Their twisted ropes,

Their dented platters.

To their homes

They stagger and groan,

Finally leaving

Jack alone.

So up he gets,

He’s no longer dizzy.

“It’s time,” he says,

“For me to get busy.

I’ve plenty of candles

I need to jump.

But never again

Will I burn my rump.”

And home he trots

To the candle fire,

And up he jumps,

But much, much higher.

(uses mini-trampoline)

Published in: on June 17, 2011 at 2:26 am  Leave a Comment  

Goldicat

Meow Meow house

Scratch Scratch

Meow Meow go in

Sniff Sniff

Porridge!

Meow Meow HOT

Meow Meow COLD

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrr.

Meow Meow chairs

Meow Meow HARD

Meow Meow SOFT

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrr.

YAAAAWN!

Meow Meow beds

Meow Meow HARD

Meow Meow SOFT

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

“WHO’S THAT SLEEPING IN MY BED!”

Meow BEARS!  Meow BEARS!  RRRRAERRR!  THFFFT!

Meow Window!

Meow Run! Run! Run!

Meow Safe.

Prrrrrrrrrrrr.

Published in: on June 16, 2011 at 2:30 am  Leave a Comment  

The Whisper Who Would Not Go

Once upon a moon I was swimming across London Bridge and I found a whisper.  I wanted to take the whisper home with me in my shoe, but the whisper would not get in.  I could see by the position of the sun that it was almost midnight and I needed to be home years ago.

Then I met an ear, and I said to the ear:

“Ear, ear, hear whisper into my shoe.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

But the ear would not hear the whisper.

Then I met a fingernail, and I said to the fingernail:

“Fingernail, scratch ear, ear will not hear whisper.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

But the fingernail would not scratch the ear.

Then I met a clipper, and I said to the clipper:

“Clipper, cut fingernail, fingernail will not scratch ear, ear will not hear whisper.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

But the clipper would not scratch the ear.

Then I met a rock, and I said to the rock:

“Rock, pound clipper, clipper will not cut fingernail, fingernail will not scratch ear, ear will not hear whisper.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

But the rock would not pound the clipper.

Then I met a spray can, and I said to the spray can:

“Spray can, spray rock, rock will not pound clipper, clipper will not cut fingernail, fingernail will not scratch ear, ear will not hear whisper.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

But the spray can would not spray the rock.

Then I met my finger, and I said to my finger:

“Finger, push spray can’s button, spray can will not spray rock, rock will not pound clipper, clipper will not cut fingernail, fingernail will not scratch ear, ear will not hear whisper.  I see by the sun it is almost midnight and I need to be home years ago.”

Then my finger pushed the spray can’s button, the spray can sprayed the rock, the rock pounded the clipper, the clipper cut the fingernail, the fingernail scratched the ear, and the ear heard the whisper into my shoe, and I went home.

And although I could tell by the sun that it was almost midnight, I made it home years ago.

Published in: on June 15, 2011 at 2:28 am  Leave a Comment  

The Sky is Falling

Once upon a time there was a tiny, tiny chicken named Chicken Little.  One day Chicken Little was scratching in the garden when something fell on her head.

“Oh,” cried Chicken Little, “the sky is falling.  I must go tell the king.”

So Chicken Little ran and ran, and she met Henny Penny.

“Where do you travel so fast, Chicken Little?” asked Henny Penny.

“Ah, Henny Penny,” said Chicken Little, “the sky is falling, and I must go and tell the king.”

“How do you know that the sky is falling, Chicken Little?” asked Henny Penny.

“I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a bit of it fell on my head,” said Chicken Little.

“I will go with you to the king,” said Henny Penny.

So they ran along together, and they met Ducky Daddles.

“Where do you travel so fast?” asked Ducky Daddles.

“Ah, Ducky Daddles,” said Chicken Little, “the sky is falling, and Henny Penny and I go to tell the king.”

“How do you know that the sky is falling, Chicken Little?” asked Ducky Daddles.

“I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a bit of it fell on my head,” said Chicken Little.

“I will go with you to the king,” said Ducky Daddles.

So they ran along together, and they met Goosey Loosey.

“Where do you travel so fast, Chicken Little?” asked Goosey Loosey.

“Ah, Goosey Loosey,” said Chicken Little, “the sky is falling.  Henny Penny and Ducky Daddles and I go to tell the king.”

“How do you know that the sky is falling, Chicken Little?” asked Goosey Loosey.

“I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a bit of it fell on my head,” said Chicken Little.

“I will go with you,” said Goosey Loosey.

So they ran along together, and they met Turkey Lurkey.

“Where do you travel so fast, Chicken Little?” asked Turkey Lurkey.

“Ah, Turkey Lurkey,” said Chicken Little, “the sky is falling, and Henny Penny and Ducky Daddles and Goosey Loosey and I go to tell the king.”

“How do you know that the sky is falling?” asked Turkey Lurkey.

“I saw it with my eyes, I heard it with my ears, and a bit of it fell on my head,” said Chicken Little.

“I will go with you to the king,” said Turkey Lurkey.

So they ran along together, and they met Foxy Loxy.

“Where do you travel so fast, Chicken Little?” asked Foxy Loxy.

“Ah, Foxy Loxy,” said Chicken Little, “the sky is falling, and we go to tell the king.”

“Do you know the way to the king’s house?” asked Foxy Loxy.

“No,” said Chicken Little.

“No,” said Henny Penny.

“No,” said Ducky Daddles.

“No,” said Goosey Loosey.

“No,” said Turkey Lurkey.

“Then come with me and I will show you,” said Foxy Loxy.

And just as he was about to lead them into his den to eat them…

…the sky fell on him.

“Oh dear,” said Chicken Little.

“We’re too late,” said Henny Penny.

“Poor Foxy Loxy,” said Ducky Daddles.

“No sense in going to the king,” said Goosey Loosey.

“Nothing to do now but go home,” said Turkey Lurkey.

And they did.

Published in: on June 14, 2011 at 2:29 am  Leave a Comment